Tuesday, March 6, 2007

secretly aspiring bridezilla

i was telling my mother a few months ago as we were coveting kitchen appliances and trendy cookbooks in a mall: "when i finally do get married, i figure it is my perogative to be the worst bridezilla in the world."

she was not familiar with this term so i had to elaborate. you know, like girls that are emotional and picky about every detail of their wedding. like the tv show where one girl had a dream that her cake would be ugly so she spent another whopping $600 on a new one.

i mean, i'm 22. not exactly old maid, but when we're talking mormon culture, especially byu graduate culture, i feel like i'm teetering towards that end. especially after witnessing several girls younger than me get married and plaster their relationship bliss on the internet. like sending me digital pictures of their engagement rings.

you know what? i get it. you're in love and you're happy. you're 21 and you're getting married in the temple. to a return missionary. your life is perfect. looks like you've got eternity pretty well figured out. that's great. would you mind not rubbing it in?

i figure that by the time i tie the knot, everyone else will have already done it. thus, there will be no one to take offense to my obscene bridezilla tactics and we can all laugh when i force my closest friends to wear bridesmaids dresses that look like prom nightmares of the 80's from the DI with dyed-to-match shoes. no one can dare complain when i ask for complicated things, like vintage french posters, satin sheets, margarita salt, and an adopted puppy, for the gift registry. no one can arch an eyebrow when i send announcements that simply say "nyah nyah nyah nyah nyaaaaaaaaaahhhhhh." no one will bat an eye when all my guests will have to watch my wedding at an awkward time, like 1.35pm on a wednesday.


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