Monday, March 5, 2007


june 7, 2006. i was mona lisa that day, driving through a jagged, jutting, spare terrain (wyoming). i felt the mystery of falling in love for the first time. i was peaceful and dream-like and i saw the snatches of sunlight fight through grey clouds as we drove through wyoming.

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march 5, 2007. i am in my parents' house. i am preparing to move and have thinned out a lot of my posessions. shed a lot of old textbooks. i have spent countless hours applying to work online. i am feeling the mystery of my life's path.

beck, sheryl crow, the rolling stones flow through my mind, jumpin' jack, chasing dragons with plastic swords, nah nah nah nah nah nah nah.....the last three months have been a resetting of my mental metabolism. one bleak winter afternoon the radio sang "shiny happy people holding hands" to me and it is what i think about when i think of what eternal love could be like.

i feel that the triumph of one set of obstables is merely the approach to another round. so maybe i'll move and not be able to find work and starve out of pride. or maybe i'll have to go home again and live out my days at my parents' house until i can afford grad school. or maybe i'll have to sell my car and be homeless and live like the guy from "the pursuit of happyness." or maybe i'll be lonelier than i anticipated and have trouble finding friends. or maybe i'll get a job and end up working with someone that i have trouble not hurting on a daily basis. who knows.

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